Monday, March 31, 2008

Sex with ED

Here's a worthwhile link to a study on EDs and blogging. They're looking for people to take a survey, so if you meet the qualifications, go for it. If nothing else, I found it to be a good oppertunity to reflect on why I blog (or in the recent past, why I haven't blogged.)


My weight has finally stabilized a bit. After I switched birth control, my weight went up 5lbs. This created for some pretty hellish months. All but one pound is gone, and I'm feeling a bit more in control now.

That said, my boyfriend and I have had to have some big discussions about sex recently. Basically, it comes down to the fact that I have no sex drive. None. Nilp. Zitch. I think it's been 4 weeks since we've had sex - and, I leave tomorrow for a 5 day trip. So we can make that 5. He's really kind about it, and never pressures me into sex. It's just that I feel guilty for not providing for him. I know he masturbates when I'm not around, so at least he's got that. But in truth, I was feeling a bit left out. I don't want sex, but I want him to be getting some - and I want to be part of his sex life. I'm picky, I know.

Then there's the whole issue of me not wanting to be touched. Sometimes kisses are ok. Sometimes they're not. Grabbing my hips, usually not ok. I'm trying to avoid giving him a list of "appropriate" things, as I don't want him to feel constrained - plus I'm not sure I could even make one as it changes hourly. But, I know that he doesn't ever want to make me feel uncomfortable. Yet, I'm not able to guide him. I'm picky, I know.

In short. Our sex life sucks. And I generally feel guilty about it. But, at the same time, I'm not really sure I want the ED to go away right now. Such is life.

Yours truly,
The AB