Aborted Attempt

After a night of restless sleep, and nightmares of a doctor yelling at me, or not believing me, or me just cowering in the corner of the doctor's office, I didn't even see a d*mn doctor.

I get they and they don't take my insurance. Despite the fact that over the phone she asked me, "what insurance do you take?" And me replying "Anthem." She responded, "OK - bring your card with you."

So I bring my card. She looks at it and goes, "Oh we don't take this version of Anthem. Sorry."

Talk about stress. I broke down. Two years ago I would have been so stoic, but I got very frustrated. What incompetence. A woman in the back helped me schedule another appointment with a different doctor in my town. I'm not sure she understood why I was in tears.

And now, in two weeks, I get to do this whole process again. Just for some lousy numbers that will tell me I need to eat more.

Big whoop.

Your's truly,
The AB

An Apple a Day

....should keep the doctor away?

Or maybe not.

My brother, mother and I are going to Europe in December/January. I love being abroad and am looking forward to the trip.

But my visit back to the 'rents house last weekend didn't do me much good. My parents were appalled at the weight loss and told me that I had to go see a doctor. I resisted and told them that I'm seeing a psychologist and that there wasn't anything the MD would tell me other than eat. They didn't like this answer and threatened that if I didn't see a doctor (they don't trust psychology as a discipline - only Medical Doctors count) that they wouldn't pay for my trip to Europe.

So I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow morning. I've never seen this guy before. I don't have a regular doctor. He's a general practitioner, but will probably be dumbfounded by my case (in addition to my ED-NOS, I also present with an array of other medical complications, and a ridiculously long medical history. The only this that's getting me to my appointment tomorrow morning is the look on his face when I get to say, "no, I'm not done yet, there's more to my medical history..."

I was also told to fast - presumably for blood work. Needless to say that's another upside to the visit. Permission, my an MD nonetheless, not to eat. I might extend the fast for the day.

Although my boyfriend's father's birthday is tomorrow. I'm dreading the obligatory ice cream cake.

Your's Truly,
The AB

Visit Home

I was back at my parents’ house this weekend. I don’t usually go home. Despite the fact that they live only two hours away, I only go home 2-3 times a year. I think part of the reason this is because every time I see them, they give me a lecture on how much they love me, and how I’m getting too skinny. I know that they care. But them telling me constantly that they want me to eat more isn’t going to make me want to eat.

I also caught a glimpse of my medical chart at the doctors’ office (I went in to get a flu shot). I weigh 2 pounds less than I did when I was 17. I saw a full length picture of me taken about that time, and, in AB fashion, I found it disgusting, despite the fact that until now, that was the lowest I’ve ever weighed.

I comforted my parents by reassuring them that I was still in the “normal” weight range – though I am quite close to the bottom of the range. I didn’t tell them my goal was to loose 10 more pounds…

But, I’m thankfully back home. Now there’s no one to criticize what I am or am not eating. Just me.

Your’s truly,
AB