Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Goal Weights, SOs, and Drs.

Virtual Weigh-in: 135lbs. BMI 18.8


So, I've dropped another 2 pounds. It's kind of frustrating as my weight loss has plateaued. Earlier this summer I was loosing a pound or two a week. But as I get smaller, it gets tougher. No shattering news there.

135 used to be a goal weight. I weighed this when I was in 9th grade. It's the lowest I've ever been as a menstruating adult. Although about 10 pounds ago, I decided 130 would be good for me. But, knowing how this ED works, I'm not so sure that at 130, I'll be content to stay there. I'm also not sure I know how to maintain weight anymore. The thought of consuming 1700-2000 calories in a day is frightening.


But, my boyfriend has no problems doing it. He's put on about 5 pounds (I would guess) in the past 2 months or so. This really scares me. He was trim before. Now, there's some flesh on him. At one point when we were talking about my weight (he knows about my ED, but not about this blog), he told me that he had a tough time seeing weight changes - and certainly couldn't see them on himself. He asked me if I could see them - yep. I can. That was my oppertunity to say, um by the way - wanna do some exercise? I just don't want to be with a fat man. As prejudicial as that is. But at the same time, I don't want to make him as demented and as concerned about his body as I am. Struggling to find this balance is tough.

Any tips?


Also, you might notice the "virtual" addition to my weigh in. This is because I'm now getting monthly weigh=ins with a doctor. I'm a little bitter about this - especially with those $20 co-pays. Can't I just e-mail her my weight and save my money?

I also am feeling more pressure to loose weight so as to be "successful" at my next appointment. So far I'm down two - but it's as if that isn't enough for 2 weeks' loss. Ah, perverse incentives. Maybe I'll cancel my appointment.

Yours truly,
The AB